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Because we’ve all been there, done that.
1. When she’s really, really into it but you can’t stop thinking about who’s gonna die on Game Of Thrones next. Damn you, R.R. Martin.
2. When you try to unclasp her bra with one hand but realize you’re no Joey. Damn, should have taken those rocket science classes at NASA.
3. When she’s going down on you but she has a stapler for a mouth.
4. When you try to do the ‘barging-into-the-room-drunk-and-getting-naked-immediately sex’ but she’s wearing those skin tight denims so you spend an hour trying to take them off while her hymen grows back.
5. That moment you realize you just took dirty talking a little too seriously and just called her a ‘dirty b*tch’.
6. When you go down on her but she’s so bushy, bats fly out.
7. When you’re doing doggy-style but she goes hunchback and you’re like “Hey camel, how about you bend a little?”
8. When you go down on her and three years later, she’s still nowhere close to coming. “Hey, u awake? U at least alive?”
9. Coming too soon. LOL hi!
10. Or not coming till eternity.
11. When she lets you come on her face but you spray her eye instead. Kthnxbye.
12. When she wants to kiss you right after going down on you and you stop her, right in time, by kissing her neck instead.
13. When she shoves your face in her breasts in throes of passion and you’re 10 seconds short of dying of suffocation.
14. When she’s taking off your pants and you suddenly realize you’re wearing the oldest underwear ever found in any human civilization. The one with a hole. Two. Seven. Okay, 50.
15. When you pull it out after doing anal and get a free chocolate cookie with it.
16. When she’s tried every move but you just cannot get it up.
17. When someone walks in on you having sex and you freeze in your position because you don’t know what else to do.
18. When she goes all Sunny Deol on you and almost uproots your handpump while giving you a handjob! ‘Yeh dhai kilo ka haath jab kisi pe padta hai na…’
19. When you’re doing her doggy-style and she farts. Right in your face.
20. Or when you’re going down on her.
21. When you’re really at it but suddenly notice her dog staring at you, breathing heavily.
22. When you take off her shirt and she has longer armpit hair than you!
23. When she’s really into it but you lose your boner.
24. When she suddenly asks you “is it in?”
25. When you want to try beginner level BDSM but spank her a little too hard by mistake!
26. That awkward moment when you lose an erection just when she’s about to come! How about we play fastest finger first?
27. When you try that new position you just saw in a porn film last night and end up with a broken back and entangled limbs.
28. When she says she’s ‘too wet’ but you underestimate her and still go down on her. We’re talking puddles here!
29. When you’re too drunk to know which hole to put it in!
30. When she misleads you into believing “she’s coming” but one hour later, she still wants it ‘harder’.
31. When she kisses you right in the morning and her breath smells like there are people rotting inside her!